All Work and No Pay

My school decided early on that all incoming Grade 10-11 students must undergo an internship with a minimum of 80 hours as a requirement for graduation. To be frank, I wasn’t excited at all for “a chance to experience working in a field of science”. A job with no pay? Really???

I did a 3-week internship in the Aquatic Biology Research Lab at U.P. Diliman Institute of Biology. The personnel were really helpful and kind, and I managed to learn new things from them. My intern-mates were also really fun to be with as I found out. I managed to be friends with one batch-mate and two students from Mindanao. We all shared more interests than I thought possible and we helped each other out when needed. At the final day of the internship, all four interns including me were given a sample of benthic macroinvertebrates (I’ll explain later) from different families. Overall, it was nice and chill, and I’d recommend it to anyone else who’s interested in aquatic Biology.

I actually didn’t manage to show up on two days of the internship. I couldn’t attend the first day because of an overlap with a vacation, and the third day because of a passport renewal appointment, and a loose bracket. (The vacation’s a future post in the works. Stay tuned.)

The second day was when everything started for me. Mom accompanied me going to the building, but it was a little complicated because the main road to the building was closed. It took Google Maps to show a long but scenic route. (I found out 2 weeks in my internship that there was a shorter one that would have saved my legs and feet.) Once we got to the building, I saw the lab and all the people inside. I was left alone by Mom after she told the supervisor I had ADHD.

I was given an orientation about benthic macroinvertebrates. There’s Google for all you readers, but I’ll give the gist on what they are. They’re a diverse group of sedentary invertebrates that are bottom-dwellers, and their presence and/or absence is used to monitor the quality of water. I was tasked to sort out all the benthic macroinvertebrates from their samples. If you guys know those Hidden Objects games, then you already have a grasp on what I was doing throughout the first week. That went on until lunch, where I managed to talk to the other interns. The afternoon was fine. The personnel managed to point out certain animals I mistook for debris like leeches. My batch mate was kind enough to let me ride with them going to SM North EDSA to get on the train going home.

The following days until the end were honestly very repetitive. Commute, work, lunch, work, commute, then repeat all over again. The commute going to the building was quite long. A train ride, a jeepney ride, and a walk altogether took 1 hour and 30 minutes. Also, peak hours inside a train are no joke. You can get squeezed to the point where you have to fight to get in or out. Woe behold the people in the middle section who have to get off, because not getting out in time is a fear all the riders have. Lunch was the only thing that was different every day. We explored as many cafeterias near us as possible and ate as much food was possible. I had two lunches per day, which Mum was quite happy about with me.

Also, I was introduced to the process of elutriation during the first week. Basically, it shrinks the sample size by removing as much debris as possible to make sorting easier. Imagine rinsing out a piece of clothing and removing all bits and pieces of dirt from it, and then doing it for 4 cycles. My arms were aching by the time I did all sample bottles.

The work I was doing differed per week. The first week was dubbed “Where’s Waldo”. The second week got the name “Who’s Waldo”. The third week was a mix.

The second week was spent identifying the animals that we sorted out from the week before. We started identifying to order-level via dichotomous keys. I wasn’t so bad there. When it got to identifying up to family level, I realized I was the worst out of all the interns. Woohoo, right????? Thankfully, the personnel simply told us the features to look for to identify certain families and didn’t judge us so much.

The third week was a mix, honestly. The first day was a continuation of last week. The second day was spent wrapping centrifuge tubes full of samples with parafilm to preserve the ethanol and the animals submerged inside. The third day was the main event: fieldwork. The personnel simulated what they did when they collected samples from different water sources. They evaluate the site and check if it meets the criteria for an optimal reference site. Then they use physical and chemical measurements to analyze the site. Lastly, they start collecting the samples using either leaf packs or a D-net. The last step was honestly tiring. The afternoon was spent learning to use a software program used in Statistics. The next day was spent answering an exam and preparing a presentation for the final day of the internship. And the last day of the internship was spent mostly on the culminating activity. Lots of labs had students from different regions of the Philippines, and everyone’s presentation was nice. We all got certificates and remembrances from our lab.

It was the little things during the internship that I remember fondly. The playground near a building, the time everyone gathered around a laptop to watch an anime on the cells of the human body, the card games played during break, and all the confessions that happened over lunch tables. I also liked the times when someone had a birthday and everyone was invited for food.

This was definitely quite an experience. I really hope I can put this in my future CV.

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Brace For It

Hello! Garrett here. Sorry for not uploading any stuff for a long time, Grade 9 sucked the soul out of me. The gist is: new subjects, flunking Physics, realizing that apathy was never a good method of coping, and batch mates flirting with each other.

Alright, so the big news is: I now have braces.

Yes, you heard it right, now I am dealing with many inconveniences and annoyances just to set my teeth straight. I just had them activated today, since I actually got them last week but I also had an extraction too that day. So yeah, it was painful for a week. The sad truth for me is that I will have to endure more of those operations soon because the x-ray showed 6 IMPACTED TEETH. Basically, those teeth gave up on their main purpose (that is to shoot up) and decided to go anywhere else but up. My wisdom teeth are laying down like they stopped giving a care about getting out.

Alright, so if you have or had braces, you’ll nod your head at this list. If you don’t have them but need them soon, don’t worry. You’ll get used to everything about them. Here goes:

1.) Food will get stuck everywhere. I’m not kidding, you have to bring a portable toothbrush and toothpaste everywhere you go cos there is nothing more embarrassing than having to talk to someone with bits of rice or whatnot stuck in every nook and crevice you can think of.

2.) Eating makes you question everything edible. You’re usually given a list of foods you can or cannot eat. The number one question is, “Can I eat that?” It’s usually followed up with, “Is this worth brushing out afterwards?”

3.) Brushing becomes a serious commitment . I’m serious, if you rarely went up to 2 minutes while brushing your teeth before, now, you will. Also, now that you have braces, you now have the responsibility of making sure the braces and teeth don’t get damaged. But really, the main reason why is because no one likes food bits stuck everywhere. There are special brushes for those with braces. I recommend the manual orthodontic brush by Oral-B. Honestly, you just have to find a brush with a small head and soft bristles and you’ll be fine.

4.) Your mouth will get scratched from the inside. I already got two sores because of two brackets. You might be given wax by the dentist or not, but my orthodontist said the rubber bands will help make the brackets go smoothly against the cheek.

5.) Pain is inevitable. Especially if you get them tightened. Painkillers are advisable for this, but you will also get used to it too.

The only nice thing so far about my braces is that every 3 weeks I can pick a color for my rubber bands. That’s it, really. If I’m gonna suffer all these just for straighter teeth, I might as well make my braces look cool.

That’s it for now. Tune in for another post soon!!!

Looking back…

 

Once this post is uploaded, either it’s 2018 already or we’re really close to it. There are two ways we can go. Either we look back at what 2017 has been for us, or we look forward to what 2018 has in store for us.

2017’s quite a ride for me, but it cut me some slack in terms of emotions. I have more control over how I feel, and I can easily not give a damn about stuff I hate that affects me. (Not sure if it’s a good thing or not, but it’s either that or I care too much). When it comes to academics, well, I might need better work ethics to pull some grades up, but I’m working on it. Also, I did things I didn’t expect I would. I ran after a dog owner to ask about the dog. (The dog’s name is Fritz and he’s a Pointer). I tried being a bit of a thrill-seeker by choosing really scary rides. (It was fun, but man, my vocal cords need to rest). I raised my hand to audition for a role in a school play. (It was really fun.) I also managed to have awesome conversations with some lower year students too. It was quite a relief to know that they were just as weird and brilliant as my batch, too.

2017 also brought new challenges too. More tests, subjects, teachers, make-up classes, responsibilities, and social etiquette developed or discovered. (I have gotten myself in sticky situations because of this. ) Also, I had to learn to keep my mouth shut and not snark at teachers when they say something ignorant. (Not worth the trouble, believe me.)

I also discovered new interests (and friends!!!) in 2017. I found shows and books worth binging until the early morning. I found people who share the same interests with me (and introduce me to their own). I’m quite excited about what could happen next with my old and new friends in the upcoming years.

Speaking of 2018, I’m not exactly sure what’s coming. Well, I do know what’s on my school calendar. And on other people’s calendars too. But, with a supportive network of friends and family, well, let’s see what happens this 2018!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Gifts: A Stress to Give, A Joy to Receive

Ah, the holidays. Full of happiness, traffic, parties, and stress. Can we even say Christmas is near if don’t get stuck in traffic on the road or in the mall? Can we even convince ourselves that we have the Christmas spirit in us if we don’t suffer from cashier/ gift wrapping lines as long as NLEX? I don’t think so.

While I do agree that the holidays are quite merry, people do tend to glamorise it so much that we forget the stress involved. The stress of gifts, traffic jams, parties, nosy relatives, and financial issues are quite a formidable force of nature. I’m glad to say though that most of us have developed our own ways of dealing with them over time. Time (and money) management, good music, and epic comebacks are some of the ways people have found to be effective.

Now, you know well as a student that you have to be a bit of a penny-pincher if you even want to think about giving gifts to friends. (I’m assuming you are not rich. If you are, you can actually focus on giving your friends the gifts they like.) What I would suggest is to give every gift a personal touch. Without it, you’d just be giving special giveaways. (Especially if you get them all the same thing!)
It really depends on your strengths. Since I got notebooks from Papemelroti for my close friends, I decided to write a personal letter inside each one. Everyone liked the letters, but one decided to write one back as a gesture of appreciation. I still read that letter up to this day.

On that note about gifts, I didn’t know there were some rules on gift-giving. Well, apparently, the general rules are: you’re not supposed to expect to get a gift back from the person you’re giving a gift to; but if you’re the one being given a gift, it’s usually polite to give one back. I suppose that’s why we re-gift unused gifts, too. Not only because we don’t like the gifts, but also because we can convince ourselves that we’re a good person by giving someone a gift we think they’ll enjoy.

One of my best friend’s friends decided to start the tradition of writing letters on every birthday gift, so I thought, “What if I write letters on gifts for Christmas?”. So I did. Personally, there’s just something really cool about getting a letter from a special friend, and I wanted to share that with people this Christmas season. Also, when someone gives you a letter as a friend, it’s like they’re willing to share a piece of themselves with you on paper for you to treasure. I know I do. (So does my name-sake in Message in a Bottle by Nicholas Sparks, but the letters were not read by the intended person, anyways. Whoops, that might have been a spoiler.)

There are some shops that are often visited by people with a low Christmas budget. One of them is Papemelroti, while another one is Miniso (depending on whether your local mall has one of its branches.) Both of them offer nice stuff for generally low prices. Think of Papemelroti as the anthropomorphic representation of the hipster side of Tumblr, and Miniso as the Japanese version of Divisoria. Papemelroti is generally well-known for its locally-sourced notebooks and jewelry, while Miniso is known for having almost everything at affordable prices.

While we can’t really say much on what to give people for Christmas, we do know when to draw the line when it comes to acceptable gifts. People follow different rules, and you might just have to find out on your own what yours are. Yes, you will find out by trial-and error sometimes. But, even if you give the wrong gift, at least your feelings won’t be hurt (much). We all have went to acting school at some point because of horrible gifts. (Because we all say thank you for the fact that the person thought of us enough to give us a gift, right?)

I’m either old or broke enough to know that Christmas can’t be defined by giving gifts. It can neither be defined by family gatherings nor the birth of Jesus Christ on its own. (Even if I’m a Christian, some non-believers do celebrate Christmas.) What I do know is that everyone may have their own reasons why they celebrate Christmas, but it doesn’t matter anyway, because everyone is focused on one thing that unites us: spreading joy. That’s what the holidays are all about.

Sugar, Spice, and Skating on Ice

On the day our President made his State of the Nation Address (SONA), my sister had no school. Mom took a leave that day. We went ice-skating in the mall in the afternoon.

That’s basically what happened on that day in a nutshell. Let me expand my experience on the rink. It started off with my sister and I getting the equipment needed, which were a pair of ice-skates and a helmet. Now, I’ll tell you something about those shoes. If you can walk in them, you can walk in any pair of high heels. Those skates only have thin slices of metal on their bottom, which is almost worse than those deceptive-looking heels that scream “style” on the outside and “pain” on the inside. (Note, I heard this from my female best friend in my old school, who wore a pair on our reunion in a mall.) Luckily, I was spared of the embarrassment of falling in those shoes while on land. While I was preparing for the ice rink, my sister found an old friend of hers who was about to enter the rink as well. (They stayed together throughout the whole time in the rink.) As I was about to enter the rink, I thought, “Maybe I could be a figure skater”.

As I fell on my butt on the ice, that thought vanished as quickly as my dignity.

As time went on, I slowly mastered ice-skating to the point where I could glide at a moderate speed without falling down and getting my arse frozen. I was no Victor Nikiforov, but my skating was enough for me to keep up with my sister’s friend who practiced regularly. The thrill for me was trying to glide as fast as possible without falling down. Of course, Mom just had to take a video of me falling down while gliding too fast.

Oh, and we had to take a break from skating so that the ice could be restored. We got to see the machine from Plants vs. Zombies! (Gosh, I sound like someone who stayed inside the house too much.) Seriously, though, it was amazing to see something like that in front of my own eyes for the first time.

As fun as ice-skating was, it slowly lost its thrill to the point that I exited earlier than my sister. Of course, if I had a friend with me, I would have stayed on longer. But I didn’t, so I left early, feeling like my feet stepped on Legos.

Would I ice-skate again? Sure. But I’d rather do it with a friend (or more). It’s much more fun to challenge each other and laugh at each other’s misfortunes.

 

I’m Not a Pessimist, I’m a Realist

You know that joke about optimists and pessimists? “The optimist thinks this world is the best. The pessimist fears that this is true.” Well, lemme tell you what a special snowflake that I am, and declare myself as neither. Kidding aside, I’m actually not a pessimist. The world can be nice and all. It just ain’t that way all the time. The world was nice when humans were still developing ways to live longer, and people died early due to disease and childbirth, therefore preserving Mother Nature. (Poison Ivy would have been pleased.) The world was also nice when it didn’t feel like doing so many Harlem Shakes that ended up destroying property and taking lives. At this point, I just give up every single thought of me being an optimist.

I like to think of myself as a realist. I’m that person who looks at a half-filled glass and thinks I need a refill. I’m that person who has to bring optimists back down to Earth, and pull up pessimists from the pits of negativity. I’m that person who decides if something is worth going after or not. I’m also the person who is often told by others to be more cheerful. Cheerful? Of course I’m cheerful. You have not seen me during season premieres, cancelled school days, fanfic updates, book releases, and clearance sales if you think I’m not cheerful.

Why do people think I’m a pessimist? Well, I do like crime shows, slasher horror movies, and my jokes in the first paragraph pretty much spell out the fact that I don’t have much hope in this world. I’m not a pessimist (well, I keep telling myself that), so I tried finding what was good in this world. I gave out compliments to people. I found funny people to watch and laugh at as they joked around. For goodness sake, I’m even subscribed to Bright Side. I don’t watch the local news (so many death reports, you would have thought they were trying to discourage us from perpetrating our species), I stopped listening to ignorant people ranting about subjects they didn’t have a single clue what they were talking about, and I even tried listening to inspirational music. (The only inspirational song I liked was Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield, aka the Pantene commercial song.) To my surprise, it actually somewhat helped. (I wasn’t a full-on optimist, but I was more willing to imagine that things were going great.)

I don’t care much if you, dear reader, are a pessimist, optimist, realist, or whatever you think you are. If you’re concerned about the negativity in your own thoughts, though, it isn’t that hard to try and find some hope or happiness to pull you through your life. Maybe you can watch soldiers reuniting with their family, or you can listen to feel-good music. Whatever manages to pull you out of your negative thoughts should be enough. If the negativity of your own thoughts is directed towards you, do seek out some advice from professionals. A low-self-esteem never helps anyone.

To all the optimists out there, you do you. Keep bringing hope into this world, we realists and pessimists need it.

Blood on the Streets, and on the TV Screen

I’m a fan of slasher horror movies. In slasher horror movies, there’s something just horrifying and fascinating to watch about how far our human nature can go in  committing evil deeds. The slow realisation on the characters as they know who the dark enemy is, the urgency you feel through the protagonists as they rush to either take down the enemy (or enemies) of get out of the building, are amazing. Graphic depictions of death scenes are just the icing on the cake. There’s something so electrifying at the suspense and fear you feel coursing through your veins as you take a glimpse of what life is like for people on the dark side. Saw takes the trophy for best graphic death scenes, that’s for sure. The others take the cake when it comes to psychotic behavior, like The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, and House of 1000 Corpses.

Crime shows also are interesting to watch. Real-life or not, they’re still great. The best part about TV shows is when it’s hard to distinguish who’s good, and who’s bad. That’s when I know I really like the show. One requirement of a good crime show is that I need to see what’s happening on all sides. Of course, it doesn’t matter how they do it, it only matters that they do it. Crime stories have two (or more) sides to look at. You need to be able to look at them all to fully engage yourself in the events. Dealing with morally ambiguous issues? Hit me up, I’m down for it. Analysing evidence left at the crime scene? Why not? Drama between co-workers? Eh, too much can make me pass. But graphic depictions of criminal, psychotic, and/or insane behavior? Let’s roll! Gotham aces the graphic depictions of behavioral problems. CSI and Bones have flying colors at analysing evidence. Dexter kills it at morally ambiguous issues, and sociopathic thinking. Hawaii Five-0, and Burn Notice hook you in with the action between cops and criminals. Sherlock and Elementary let you take a sneak peek at how the mind of the great detective works when it comes to piecing together clues, puzzles, and crimes.

 

What connects the two of them? The title should say it for you. Yes, it’s blood. Before you write me off as a wannabe freak, let me tell you why it’s interesting. Blood is meant to stay in either bodies, or sealed containers. When you see blood stains anywhere other than those two, something’s wrong or someone is having their period. In the two genres, it’s always the former. And that’s what makes both genres enjoyable. I get to see people doing something to resolve the problem, either by criminal or law-abiding methods.

The Polarity of Sibling Relationships

As you all know, I have a younger sister who I love and hate at the same time. If you don’t understand how people can feel like singing songs with someone and throwing eggs at them simultaneously, you might be an only child. My sister can annoy me and love me at the same time. The polarity between our moods whenever we’re together is quite insane. One moment, we’ll find ourselves kicking and screaming just to get her up to eat, and the next thing you know, she’s telling me the latest stories about her well-off classmates as we laugh.

My school calendar was a bit later than hers, so she was teasing me the whole time I still had school and she was enjoying summer, and then the tables turned. I had fun rubbing in the fact that she couldn’t watch TV while I could. She had fun reminding me that I had to help her with Kumon worksheets because Mom said so.

Do we agree with each other? Often. We do like watching cooking shows together. Do we fight with each other? Most of the time. I won’t even start on what makes us fight with each other because the list will go on until Hogwarts stops changing Defense Against the Dark Arts professors.  Do we introduce new stuff to each other? Of course. I introduced her to Miraculous Ladybug. She introduced me to Minecraft. We show each other new YouTubers to enjoy.

I teach her stuff she’ll need in life. That’s what an older sibling does. Therefore, I teach her what school glosses over, like dealing with different types of friends, different types of teachers, and later on, how to flirt with people, and how to ace a job interview.

I suppose the hardest lesson I’ll learn later on is that my sister will grow up, and make decisions for herself that I cannot interfere with. I can’t hope that my sister will stay the same to me, because we’ll grow up, and eventually distance ourselves from each other. It sounds sad, but that’s the truth. She can’t always be the young, naive sister that I know right now. All I wish is to know that we still have each other’s backs when we need it, no matter how old both of us are.

A Couch Potato’s Summer Dream

Summer is close to ending for me, and I’m not that sure about going back to school. It’s nice to see my friends again, but not the work. Oh and I’ll now have to deal with prom. But let’s dwell on that as another post.

As the title says, my summer was spent as a couch potato, which is a welcome change in lifestyle from running around school buildings wondering where my classroom is. No joke, my class last year decided to call itself “The Nomads” since we’re often changing classrooms. So, I decided to scour the Internet for good TV shows, and here are what I’ve found to be quite tolerable:

  1. Dexter: This TV show absolutely kills it (pun intended). It takes your usual ideas about justice, then tosses it away. Dexter Morgan, our main character, is a sociopathic serial killer who works as a blood spatter analyst in Miami Metro P.D. The show hooks you in with Dexter’s darkly hilarious thoughts about his world and life. His general confusion about the complexity of human behavior and emotions manages to make you laugh, as well as the complex actions and reactions of people, from colleagues to victims. The characters are also part of the story. You get to watch Debra Morgan’s struggles to keep a boyfriend, Maria LaGuerta’s character development, and more. It’s finished, with 8 seasons with 12 episodes each. You can find it on Netflix.
  2. Miraculous Ladybug: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir: It’s a French animated kids show. Before you judge me, let me tell you why you should try watching an episode at least. First off, you get 4 ships for the price of one pair of people. How? Superhero identities. Second, the animation is really good. Third, the shiptease is real. Fourth, the fanbase is actually composed of mostly teenagers to adults. Fifth, the flirting and puns are hilarious. Let me explain the plot. Ladybug and Cat Noir are two heroes. Marinette Dupain-Cheng is Ladybug. Adrien is Cat Noir. Marinette and Ladybug love Adrien. Adrien and Cat Noir love Ladybug. Hawkmoth sends an evil butterfly to really mad people. Said mad people become villains with powers. The two heroes flirt while they use their charms to defeat said villain. Lastly, they hide their identities. You can find episodes on YouTube and KissCartoons.
  3. Project MC2: It’s a kids show meant to encourage girls who are interested in STEM to go for it, with a group of intelligent girls who become secret agents for an all-female espionage organization. It’s part-educational, part-entertaining at the same time. The girls’ strong friendship with each other help them solve mysteries, take down enemies, and go through high school. The lead girl, McKeyla McAlister, takes in 3 smart girls under her wing: Adrienne Attoms, Bryden Bandwidth, and Camryn Cole. They become really good secret agents, with country girl Ember Evergreen and punk artist Devon Demarco joining them later on. It’s available exclusively on Netflix, but the show has fan merchandise that you can view on YouTube.
  4. Grimm: Combine Once Upon a Time with CSI and you’ve got Grimm. It’s your typical crime show, but with fairytale elements in it, obviously based on the Brothers Grimm stories. The pilot episode had the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood kidnap girls in red jackets. Another had Goldilocks and her boyfriend get arrested for breaking and entering, along with Baby Bear for partaking in a ritual that would require killing said boyfriend and girlfriend. Basically, a detective in Portland discovers his heritage that allows him to see creatures that no one else can see. He has a Blutbad(wolf) that helps him with cases, a human best friend as his official partner, and a captain who is a Wesen.
  5. Elementary: This is essentially the American version of BBC Sherlock. Many debates have started over the premise of which was better. It starts with Sherlock as a recovering drug addict and consulting detective, and Joan Watson as his sober companion and later on his assisting consulting detective. This show is good for every Sherlock fan stuck in between season finales and season premieres, because it has 5 seasons ( and counting) with 24 episodes each. The differences of Elementary and Sherlock are: genders of certain characters (Joan Watson, Jamie Moriarty), backstories (Sherlock moved to America, Irene Adler’s the one that died), and behavior and attitude (Sherlock’s nicer, the police are actually competent for a change, Joan’s more involved in solving cases).

 

There are more TV shows I like, of course, but those are what I’m mostly watching this summer.  And anyways, the list will grow eventually. I’ll never stop loving Doctor Who, Gotham, Sherlock, and more, but I need to expand my TV experience. Hail, my fellow binge-watchers! Let us feast on the glory of our TV shows until we run out! Then we shall explore the lands of cable, Amazon Prime, Netflix, and illegal streaming websites until we find treasure! (Treasure= good plot, good acting, 4+ seasons with 10-30 episodes each. We are binge-watchers, after all.)

Too Late

Hey guys! Garrett here. Sorry for not posting anything awhile, school’s terrible and awesome at the same time. So, to make up for it, I will write two poems. Free verse, I think. Anyhow, just a fair warning, even though the poems are quite dark, let me assure you I am perfectly fine with good friends around me. I just like angsty fics or poems.

Enjoy!

 


 

Fallin’

Down, down, below

Into nothingness

As I feel these horrible things

Swimming around my mind

Is it just me,

Or am I falling from grace?

From greatness,

I have fallen into something  worthless.

People try to save me

But they can only do so much

As they try to reach for my hand

As I fall from my heaven into my hell.

The place where I deserve to be.

Tortured, for all eternity.

Much better than getting the love you didn’t deserve

Still, I think they will miss me, though

But then again, they can always move on.

Move on, have fun, and forget about me.

Isn’t that great?

As I come to meet my destiny, I hear voices.

Congratulating me, on the best decision I have ever made.

But amidst the victorious voices, I hear a small one

Mourning about how my family will ever react.

Now I’m doubting.

Was this really necessary?

Or was I too blind to see another solution?

It’s too late, anyway. I’ve hit the ground.

Intense pain circulates as I feel my bones crack.

Too much. Too much.

As I lose consciousness, I only hope he understands.


 

I was too late.

He jumped.

He wouldn’t listen to me.

That’s him, I guess. Reductive of his own worth.

How is his perception so distorted that he fails to see the good in him?

Right now, I can hear him telling me it’s fine. Like he always did.

How can he not see that this was not fine?

Is it because to say that you were fine and hide behind a mask

Is much easier than admitting you were not and showing your vulnerabilities?

How couldn’t he see that even if we’ll move on with our lives, he’ll always stay in our hearts, never to be forgotten?

Was it because I was too harsh on him? I’ll never know.

Now what do I do?

I’m not used to living a life without him forever.

I’m not even sure this life is worth living anymore.

I want to prove that I’m no better than he.

Even if he thinks I am.

Oh, the ambulance is here.

Will he survive?

‘Cause I ain’t pulling him off the plug.

He’s way too important for me to die.

I guess I’d better call his parents now.