I have ADHD. My behavioral development doctor said so. I felt like, this explains almost everything. Why I kept losing my pencils in grade 1, why I kept getting into mischief, why I was talkative and why it was hard to control, things like that.
Because of that, the doctor prescribed Concerta (Methylphenidate) for me. ADHD cannot be cured, but it can be controlled. I was okay with what the doctor says. What I didn’t like about the medicine was that it was too expensive. Mom and dad tried to reassure me, but I wasn’t that swayed, since I was considerate about other people. I didn’t want my parents to pay for the super expensive medicine that costs Php 250 per tablet!
With the medicine, I had to say goodbye to the times when I would talk and talk and feel good about it. I had to say goodbye to the times when I would act crazy just for fun. The medicine was expected to control my impulsivity.
I felt different. I was not as talkative as before, I wasn’t so impulsive, I began having friends, things like that. Teachers began to like me (I’m not boastful). My mom and dad began to notice improvements.
Yet there were times when I look back to my old self; happy, jolly, carefree, talkative, that was slowly vanishing from me. My BF Soleil started to miss my chatty old self. My old habits, especially being late because of books, reading during classes, were vanishing.
When I read a book and there was an essay written by a woman who shares my old habits, I suddenly realized that most of her habits were my old habits too! She was a bookworm like me.
Now, I have a decision. I have two selfs: my old self and my new self. Should I go back to my old self that I loved to be? I know that teachers won’t like it, but I want to do it. I wanted to show that this is who I am, and there’s no changing it. I am tired of my new self.

5 thoughts on “ADHD

  1. I loved the Garrett I met three years ago. Even if there have been many changes (whether or not it’s because of the medication), there will always be a part of you that is unchanging and is at peace. I hope you find peace in whatever you decide.

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